Unwanted Attention
by Darkened Redemption
Summary: Ron Weasley has forever been hidden in the shadows of his family and friends. However, when the spotlight finally falls upon him, it may not necessarily be the attention he was hoping for. Final chapter up.
1. Spillage

**Unwanted Attention**

Disclaimer: _I do not own Harry Potter. That much is obvious. Nor do I claim to own Harry Potter. This story is just for recreation, I am not making any money from it, nor do I want money from it. I do not own the characters or the settings, etc._

Chapter 1: Spillage

"Now, class, your potions should be just about done," Snape sneered from his desk, glancing around the room at his 6th year potions class. "Each student is to fill a specimen bottle with a sample of his or her potion and bring it to my desk for marking before the end of class."

Ron wiped his brow with the sleeve of his robes as he hastily sliced spotted mushrooms into uneven bits and then chucked them unceremoniously into his smoking cauldron. The surface of the cauldron's contents had an off-grey, charcoal like appearance which complimented the burnt smelling vapor raising up from the liquid. He stole a quick glance at Harry's cauldron, which not surprisingly also had an ill-smelling mist wafting up from its depths and a murky off-colour appearance. Glancing briefly to his other side before beginning to stir his own cauldron furiously, Ron took note of the perfect, steamless green liquid Hermione was carefully stirring.

As per usual, Harry's and Ron's potions were not going brilliantly. Snape had, of course, made his presence in the room felt by constantly sneaking up on Ron and Harry and proceeding to criticize every single aspect of their potions during the lesson, thus resulting in the smoking collection of ingredients in the boy's cauldrons. Try carefully peeling Dragon eyes with Snape breathing down your neck, and see how well you can do it. Now, with less than a minute to spare before the bell rings to signal the end of his double lesson of potions, Ron had discarded any sense of care and was now rushing like hell to get something that could possibly earn him a mark or two bottled and on Snape's desk.

He finished his ruthless stirring, grabbed his specimen bottle, forced it below the surface of the scorching liquid, corked it and bounded to place it before Snape. Feeling relieved to have another failed potions lesson with Snape almost out of the way, Ron walked back to his bench to start cleaning up his remaining mess. He noticed Harry still working away un-relentlessly and whispered urgently "Harry, the bell is going to ring in about five seconds. Get your potion up the front, now!" Harry heeded his advice, filling his bottle in much the same fashion as Ron did whilst corking it and turning to run in one quick motion. However, as Harry began his last second dash towards Snape, Ron watched as, in almost slow motion, Harry's foot caught behind a table leg and his specimen bottle soared high into the air, before decending down towards Ron. With absolutely no time to react, Ron could do nothing but squeeze his eyes shut as the bottle collided with his head, shattered into tiny shards of glass and scalded him with boiling hot potion.

"Aaaaahhhhhhh!" screamed Ron in terrified pain, whilst swatting at his burning arms and running around aimlessly on the spot. "Aaahh, it burn, it burns!" Harry got to his feet and stared horror-stricken at Ron, as did everyone else in the class. Hermione, always sharp and quick thinking, drew out her wand and coated Ron with water. Ron collapsed onto the floor and breathed deeply.

"Ron! Ron, are you alright?" Harry asked frantically, as he bent over to offer Ron a helping hand to get up. "I'm sorry Ron, I honestly didn't mean to."

"You stupid, bloody, clumsy oaf!" shouted Ron, accepting Harry's hand and using it to climb to his feet. "Do you have any idea just how hot that." Ron was cut short by Harry's finger being placed on his furious lips.

"Shhh," Harry said in what was a disturbingly affectionate way. "Don't worry Ron, Harry will make it all better." Ron jerked away from Harry's finger and glared at him, whilst looking like he was about to be sick. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He demanded, but Harry just smiled and stepped towards Ron with his arm's wide open.

"Hey, get the hell away from me you weirdo!" Ron yelled as he turned to run. Instead he collided with Hermione, who had been watching Ron in concern. Ron once again fell to the floor.

"Oh, Ron, are you alright?" Hermione asked, also extending an arm like Harry did to help Ron up.

"Yeah, I am. But Harry's not!" Ron replied as he climbed to his feet with Hermione's assistance.

"Don't worry about Harry, Ron," Hermione said with a dreamy look in her eyes, "He won't ever come between you and me!"

Ron was backing away from Hermione after hearing this. "Um, what's gotten in to you two?" He said to his best friends. Something very weird and utterly disturbing was going on, and it was starting to freak Ron out big time.

"What is going on here?" Professor Snape said greasily, as he approached the scene taking place between the trio.

For the first time in his life, Ron was pleased to see Severus Snape. Snape may be an annoying, cruel, and selfish git, but at least he would sort out and get to the bottom of this confusion.

"Harry spilt his potion on me," Ron answered. "And now he and Hermione are acting strangely."

"Potter, Granger. Detention. You will come back here this evening and write lines, under my supervision." Snape said coolly, surveying Ron strangely.

"Wait, Professor, why do I have to write lines?" Protested Hermione, still staring dreamy eyed at Ron. "I didn't even do anything."

"You will write lines until the message sinks in," continued Snape, giving no indication he acknowledged what Hermione said. "Weasley is all mine, not Potters or Grangers. Have I made myself clear?" Then, in what was apparently meant to be a softer and less threatening tone, Snape addressed Ron directly. "Now, Weasley dear, how about you remain after class so you can.help me clean up this mess?"

"I'll help Ron!" Piped up Hermione.

"No, I'll help Ron!" exclaimed Harry.

"WAIT A MINUTE" Ron bellowed at the top of his voice, realisation dawning on him, "will SOMEONE please tell me what the hell that potion was?"

"Oh, well, Weasley, judging by the ingredients that Potter has forgotten to include, I would say it turned out to be a rather crude love potion." Snape giggled, without even glancing at the ingredients laying scattered across the bench where Harry had worked.

".a WHAT!" screamed Ron, turning a shade of green, and before anyone could stop him (though they did try) he was running out the door.

* * *

Ron sat hugging his legs in the corner of the Gryffindor common room, behind a large armchair he frequently sat in. He figured it would be the best place to hide, considering that only two of his three admirers could gain access to Gryffindor Tower, whilst still remaining a more public place than his dormitory. The thought of being alone in his dorm with Harry was almost scaring Ron to death right now.

"Is that you, Ron, hiding back there?" A girl with a mass of red-hair poked her head over the top of the chair and looked down at him.

"Get back!" Ron shouted, holding his wand up ready to hex, "get.oh, it only you, Ginny. Thank goodness."

"What are you doing back here, anyway?" Ginny asked, climbing over and sitting next to her elder brother and staring at him in concern.

"Stupid Harry spilt a love potion on me in Potions and now he, Hermione and Snape are after me. I think they are in love with me! I'm hiding back here for now, but I don't know what to do. I've got to work out some way to reverse that potion!"

"I know what we can do to fix this," said Ginny thoughtfully.

"Yeah? How?" asked Ron eagerly.

Ginny placed a hand on Ron's knee and leaned closer to whisper in his ear. "You can stay back here with me!"

"I THINK I AM GOING TO BE SICK!" exploded Ron, as he sprang to his feet and bounded up the stairs to his dormitory, with Ginny calling after him.

* * *

A/N: _This story might seem to be adult in nature but it was not intended to be so. I hope people will not take offence by it and will actually see the humor (or lack there-of) of Ron's situation. This is not going to involve any slash or what not, that is not my interest or style. Please review it. Feedback is important to me, and whilst I don't mind critisism I ask that you try to be constructive. I may or may not continue with this story, based on people's opinions. Thankyou._


	2. The Potion Thickens

**Unwanted Attention**

Disclaimer: _I do not own Harry Potter. That much is obvious. Nor do I claim to own Harry Potter. This story is just for recreation, I am not making any money from it, nor do I want money from it. I do not own the characters or the settings, etc._

Chapter 2: The Potion Thickens

Ron lay on the covers of his four poster bed. His skin now somewhat resembled the faint green complexion one would expect to find on a frog, and this appropriately reflected his inner feelings at that time. The horror that had transpired during that morning's potions class was still, unsurprisingly, the main focus on his thoughts and he could not think of a single way to resolve it.

The dormitory door opened and Harry came in, followed closely by Professor McGonagall. Ron immediately leaped to his feet and raised his wand defensively before him.

"Stay back, Harry. I warn you, get any closer and I'll jinx you!"

"Mr Weasley!" bellowed Professor McGonagall, her face showing severe shock at Ron's blatantly rude behaviour. "We will have none of that talk at Hogwarts, and lower you wand immediately! Potter here has just informed me; while attempting to argue his way out of a detention with Professor Snape; of the events that took place in Potions lessons this morning. Naturally, this is such a serious situation. We cannot have students and a member of staff running around the school under the influence of a love potion.

"Great," muttered Ron.

"The headmaster has expressed a desire for you to visit him in his office immediately, perhaps he can be of some assistance in this matter."

"Good, I will go now then," said Ron, striding quickly past Ron and McGonagall to the dormitory doorway, but before he could steal through it, Professor McGonagall spoke again.

"Just a moment, Weasley."

Ron turned, annoyed, to face McGonagall, but her ancient face was no longer strict, but instead seemed oddly subdued. "There is still the matter of your performance in transfiguration. The homework you have been submitting has been steadily declining in quality, and your practical ability has become truly dreadful. Perhaps we should consider holding some remedial lessons, in the evenings…just you and me…"

Now feeling terrified, Ron splattered, "But Professor…you said Dumbledore…?"

"Oh, you have my permission to ignore the headmasters request for now…" McGonagall took a step towards him.

"Yeah, well you have my permission to get the hell away from me!" shouted Ron as he turned and sprinted out the dormitory door and down the stairwell to the common room. He pushed his way out through the portrait hole, and sprinted down the corridors and down stairs until he reached the gargoyle statue outside Dumbledore's office. He shouted the password and began his accent up the moving spiral staircase.

"Enter," came the reply when he banged on the door. He turned the handle and entered the office. There sat Albus Dumbledore behind his desk. He looked at Ron with an amused expression on his face.

"Ah, Mr Weasley. You seem to be in a bit of a predicament, wouldn't you say?"

"Predicament doesn't even begin to describe it," mumbled Ron, flinging himself into the chair before Dumbledore's desk without permission. "What can I do about it, Professor?"

"It is difficult," began Dumbledore slowly. "Without knowing the exact contents of the mixture you were, let us say assaulted with, it will be impossible for Madam Pomfrey to administer the correct remedy. And of course, Professor Snape is certainly in no fit state to be of any assistance either. You see the problem, then, do you not Mr Weasley? It is clear Harry had no idea what he was doing when he made that potion, so it can be assumed that the only person with any idea what type of the countermeasure that must be applied is Professor Snape."

Ron felt his heart sink. The realisation that he may be permanently stuck in this living nightmare, being pursued by his friends and teachers alike, all of whom were feeling obsessive attraction towards him, was truly a horrifying thought indeed.

"But Professor," said Ron exasperatedly, wringing his hands together in front of him in what vaguely resembled a begging gesture, "is there nothing that can be done?"

"Well, there is possibly one way to rectify this situation," said Dumbledore, deep in thought. "You must somehow use your newfound…influence…to coax the details concerning the potion's composition from Professor Snape. Of course, it will be difficult, with much risk to yourself, but it is the only thing that can be done."

Ron gulped. Any encounter with Severus Snape has always been unpleasant. However, this new prospect of attempting to obtain help from a Snape deeply infatuated with him seemed about one hundred times more terrifying.

Ron got to his feet. "Thankyou for your advice, sir," said Ron, walking to the door, "I will do my best to….talk to Snape."

"_Professor_ Snape, Ron. Oh, and one more thing…"

Ron paused with his hand resting on the door handle. Fearfully he turned to glance back at Dumbledore, who was surveying him back with a peculiar expression on his face.

"Not you too, sir!" said Ron.

"Certainly not," replied Dumbledore. "Shame on the author for even hinting at the notion. I was going to wish you good luck, Mr Weasley. I hope you can resolve this matter as soon as possible."

* * *

A/N: _So sorry for the delay (cough) between updates. Please review, so I know people are actually reading this and so I have a reason to continue writing. Cheers._


	3. Battle Plan

**Unwanted Attention**

Disclaimer: _I do not own Harry Potter. That much is obvious. Nor do I claim to own Harry Potter. This story is just for recreation, I am not making any money from it, nor do I want money from it. I do not own the characters or the settings, etc._

Chapter 3: Battle Plan

On his way back to Gryffindor tower, Ron bumped into good ol' Neville Longbottom, who as usual was lurking around the corridors conveniently for the sake of the plot. The sight of Neville made Ron instinctively tense up; perhaps Neville would be affected by the potion also? It soon became apparent that Neville was not under the influence of the love potion, which seemed to be radiating invisibly off of Ron's body.

"Hi Ron. Say, do you notice anything different with Harry and Hermione? Its just they have been acting strange since returning from Potions." Neville had, of course, failed to achieve an Exceeds Expectation in Potions, the mark required to continue on to NEWT level, and therefore was not taking the subject this year.

Ron stared at Neville. "Yeah, now you mention it, I did happen to notice something strange."

"Its very strange," continued Neville, failing to detect the sarcasm practically dripping from Ron's voice. "Hermione came back to the common room a while ago, and when I tried to talk to her, she ignored me! She merely sat down and started knitting a hat, which I think she is planning on giving to you. She keeps muttering something like "Ronnie will love this nice warm beanie." Neville looked quite hurt; he had long nursed a soft spot for Hermione, no doubt because she is one of the only females at Hogwarts to acknowledge his existence.

"This is getting worse by the minute," pondered Ron. "There is no way I'll be caught dead wearing one of Hermione's hats!"

The situation becoming more desperate by the minute, Ron weighed the unavoidable task that lay before him. Being alone in Snape's presence has always been a daunting task in itself, but combined with the fact Snape is now infatuated with Ron via alchemic means, the situation had become at least 100 times worse. Ron then considered the bewildered form of Neville standing watching him.

"Neville, what are you doing now? Got any classes?"

"I have a free period until after lunch" came Neville's reply. "Why?"

"I need your help."

* * *

"Ok, lets go over this one more time."

Ron was pacing rigidly up and down the front of the empty Charms classroom, his hands grasped together behind his back. Neville was sitting at one of the desks in the front row, taking notes. Ron began to address Neville while continuing to pace.

"At approximately 1300 hours today, you and I will converge upon Snape's dungeon classroom. There, we will attempt to engage him in conversation. Now this is an intelligence gathering exercise; the objective is to obtain the appropriate data, outlined in the report you have been issued. Once the primary objective has been achieved, we are to retreat. Any questions?"

"Yes, sir, what is my role again?"

"Your task is to provide me with backup at all times. At no stage of the mission am I to be left alone with Snape. The very mission itself depends upon this."

Neville nodded. "What about the terrain? There may be environmental factors that could jeopardise the mission, such as if the target is teaching a class. Obviously, if that is the case he will be in teaching mode, and unlikely to offer any assistance that will make him appear weak before his students."

"A very good observation, Corporal Longbottom." Ron drew out his wand and waved it towards the blackboard. A chalk diagram of the dungeon classroom in which Snape taught his Potion classes instantly appeared upon it.

"As you can see from the schematics, the classroom has a seating capacity of up to 30 students. If indeed Snape is already engaged in teaching a Potions lesson, we can kiss this operation goodbye. However, intelligence suggests that the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry rarely conducts classes during lunch hour; that is why 1300 hours was chosen as the time of this mission."

"What if he is holding a detention, or conversing with a student for some reason?"

"That is indeed a possibility; in that situation, we will need to draw the target's attention away from the student and engage him directly. I have studied the maps, and have chosen this location here-,"

Ron waved his wand again and the diagram on the blackboard enlarged to show a detailed representation of the outside corridor,

"-as the battleground for this specific task, should it occur. We will not only be able to break the line of sight between the target and the student, but also reduce verbal communication by up to 100."

After appending his notes, Neville consulted the diagram on the blackboard.

"This mission seems to require the target to be present in the dungeon classroom at the time of attack. There is the risk that Snape will be attending lunch in the Great Hall at the time in question."

"Again, intelligence suggests that Snape is not fond of other individuals, nor are they fond of him, so it is more than likely he will choose to remain isolated in the classroom for the entire lunch period." Ron resumed his pacing, tapping his wand in his left hand as he walked.

"And what are the likely ramifications of this mission, sir?" asked Neville.

Ron stopped pacing and leant forward on the teachers desk. "I am not going to lie to you, Corporal Longbottom, this mission is dangerous. We will be subjecting ourselves to any number of dangers, the main one being exposure to Professor Snape. Additionally, the success or failure of the mission can result in numerous possible ramifications, including detention or line-writing."

Neville began to look worried, so Ron reassured him. "Do not worry, Corporal. As your commanding officer, I will take full responsibility for our actions in this mission. I am at more risk than you are. I have been identified as a primary target of Snapes', should he launch a counter-measure. Just remember your training and stay brave. General Gryffindor would be proud to see the soldier you have become. That concludes this briefing. Operation 'Confront Snape' will begin shortly. Ensure you are fully prepared and equipped." Ron eliminated the diagram from the board with his wand and began marching towards the door.

"Sir," began Neville, beginning to rise from the desk and taking a cigar from a box that magically appeared in front of him. "What happens if we fail?"

Ron turned slowly back to face Neville, his face serious and jaw set firm. "If we fail," began Ron slowly, "May God have mercy on us all."

A/N: _Come on people, review review review!_


	4. Operation 'Confront Snape'

**Unwanted Attention**

Disclaimer: _I do not own Harry Potter. That much is obvious. Nor do I claim to own Harry Potter. This story is just for recreation, I am not making any money from it, nor do I want money from it. I do not own the characters or the settings, etc._

Chapter 4: Operation 'Confront Snape'

Ron marched down the stone steps he had walked upon so many times before. He was accompanied by Neville, who was following a few paces behind him. Every previous decent into the dungeons to attend Potions class had caused a feeling of apprehension and dread to grow in Ron's stomach. Today was no exception, but this particular journey made that feeling about one hundred times worse. Ron was absolutely terrified about what could possibly happen, seeing Snape for the second time that day, who was still under the influence of a love potion; a love potion which, for some reason, caused him to be strongly attracted to Ron.

Ron stopped just in front of the door of the dungeon classroom that served as the place of all Potions lessons. Neville, not realising Ron had stopped, walked into the back him and bounced backwards onto the floor. This clumsiness on Neville's part did not instil confidence in Ron; in fact he distinctly felt his stomach twist itself into a few more knots. Ron waited for Neville to stand and compose himself before addressing him.

"This is it, Neville. Remember the plan." Neville glanced at the closed door, gulped, and shook his head in a fervent nod.

Ron raised his hand to knock on the door, but before his knuckles even touched the wooden surface, the dungeon door flew open and the greasy figure of Severus Snape appeared. Ron instantly sprang backwards a few feet, colliding with Neville, who once again fell backwards onto the cold stone floor.

"Weasley, what brings you back here today? Have you returned to collect the belongings which you left behind during this morning's lesson? Or perhaps you are here to see me?" His face twisted in what was, apparently, a warm affectionate smile in Snape's narrow repertoire of expressions.

"Er..." began Ron, beginning to splutter. That smile was creepy, and could probably make flowers wilt if given the chance. "No, Professor. I mean, yes, I did come to see you, but not for..."

"Excellent. 10 points to Gryffindor."

Ron stared at Snape. Neville, still sitting on the dungeon floor, was looking up at Snape also, his mouth hanging open. Both boys were in a state of open disbelief. This was, undoubtedly, the first time ever Snape had awarded points to a Hogwarts house other than his own beloved Slytherin. Ron's shock was so great, that he could do nothing but goggle at Snape for several moments. His was brought out of his stupor by Snape speaking again.

"Is anything the matter, Weasly?" Snape's face was still revoltingly pleasant.

"Actually Professor, I wanted to ask you a question," said Ron, still somewhat numb from shock. If that spilt potion had the power to make Snape allocate house points to Gryffindor, what else could potentially happen? Ron felt he really did not want to know.

"A question? Another 10 points to Gryffindor. Then ask away, Weasley. You have my full and undivided attention."

"Well, Professor," Ron said cautiously, still trying to formulate the correct way to ask what he needed to say.

"Please, call me Snape," said Snape, with what he evidently considered to be a gentle and affectionate voice.

"Ok... Snape. Well, I..." Ron trailed off as words failed him. It felt odd to refer to Snape by his last name only. If there was one thing Snape had inscribed into the minds of his students from their very first lesson with him, it was to always address him respectfully, and never refer to him by just his surname. It just felt wrong on a primal level to refer to him simply as 'Snape' right to his face.

Ron found he could not speak out of terror. He looked hopelessly at Neville, who also looked severely disturbed at the uncharacteristic way Snape was behaving. He noticed Ron glancing at him, and he too began to sputter.

"Well, you see, er, Snape..." he began, but he was interrupted by Snape.

"Longbottom, detention. You will address me always as 'sir' or 'Professor', understand?"

"Yes, sir," said Neville. He did not speak again, so Ron took over.

"Well, Professor -" he started to say, but he too was interrupted.

"Please, call me Snape," said Snape.

"Right..." said Ron uncertainly. "Right, so... Snape," he gave a slight shudder, "what I wanted to ask was..."

"You do not even need to ask, Weasley. Longbottom, get out of here now."

"No!" shouted Ron, alarmed. "That is not what I wanted to ask! I wanted to ask about that potion Harry spilled on me earlier -"

"I have already set Potter a detention as punishment," interrupted Snape once again. "Perhaps you wish me to have him expelled? It seems only appropriate for such reckless behaviour."

"No, don't do that," said Ron, feeling by this time very frustrated at Snape's continual interruptions. "I just need to know what was in that potion he made."

"Very little care or effort," said Snape immediately. "It was a sub-par attempt from what is supposed to be an advanced," he took a moment to perform his trademark sneer, "NEWT Potions student."

"Yes, but I mean, what ingredients were in the potion?" asked Ron exasperatedly.

"Oh, the ingredients were written on the board, which has now been erased. However, any copy of Advanced Potions Making contains a list of the ingredients used to formulate the potion." Ron's copy was still inside the classroom, out of which Snape had just come. Wild horses couldn't have dragged him into that room again with a love-sick Snape within proximity.

His first instinctive thought was to simply borrow Harry or Hermione's textbook, but he quickly realised that this was not a good idea: he had to avoid those two like the plague. Ron momentarily considered his options. Neville was not taking NEWT level potions, nor were any other Gryffindor students. The only other place he could obtain the book (aside from Snape's dungeon) was the library.

"Thanks!" said Ron, turning to go.

"However," continued Snape slowly, causing Ron to stop and focus back on him wearily, "Potter's potion was particularly bad; he failed to include several important ingredients, which is why his concoction turned out as a very unorthodox love potion. It is unlikely the exact combination of ingredients required for such a potion will be recorded in any literary form."

Ron felt his heart sink. "So we cannot know exactly what ingredients were in the potion?"

"Not necessarily. The difficulty does not lay in identifying the ingredients used, but in identifying which ingredients were not used. Why are you so concerned with such a thing, Ronald?"

Ron shuddered again. Being called Ronald by Snape was very disturbing.

"Well, its just Neville and I were wondering..."

"Longbottom, detention. You will write 'I will not wonder about potion ingredients with Weasley' one hundred times. Go into the classroom and begin writing."

Neville shot a panic filled look at Ron, but dared not disobey a direct order from Snape, so he began to solemnly enter the classroom. "Wait!" Ron exclaimed. "Professor, I would prefer it if Neville stayed here."

"Weasley, detention. You will come to my office this evening at 7 o'clock to...assist me."

Neville, always slow on the uptake, failed to notice the horrifying double meaning in this statement. His confusion as to why Snape would want to give a detention to Ron, with whom he was unmistakably infatuated with, registered on his own face.

"But I thought you..." started Neville.

"Longbottom, that's another detention. You will spend tomorrow evening in my office thinking over the phrase 'I will not think'".

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Another detention, Longbottom. The evening following next you will return to my office to think over 'I will not think over the things Snape assigns me to think over for thinking over things I should not be thinking over.'"

"The things Snape...?"

"Detention, Longbottom. You will refer to me always as 'sir' or 'Professor', understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Why are you not inside writing lines like I told you? That will be another detention."

Ron could see this was going nowhere fast, and he intended to put a stop to this pointless display of aimless writing. "Look, Professor..." he interjected.

"Please, call me Snape."

"Fine, Professor Snape..."

"That works even better. From now on, call me Professor Snape."

"Fine! _Professor Snape_, are you able to tell me the **exact** contents of the potion?"

"Which potion would that be, Ronald?"

"The one Harry made!" shouted Ron, the tips of his ears now red with fury. "The one that he made with very little effort or care, that was written on the board but he forgot to add several ingredients, thus making a crude love potion not written down anywhere!"

"And he is supposed to be an advanced NEWT Potions student," sneered Snape. "Perhaps I should give him another detention."

"Enough with the detentions! Just tell me what ingredients Harry had put in the potion, do not tell me which ingredients he forgot to include, and do not tell me he forgot effort and care. Can you tell me that, please? _Professor Snape_?" Ron added to ensure he did not miss anything.

Snape was silent for a few moments, surveying Ron. "Of course I can tell you that, Ronald." Ron let out his breath in relief.

"However," Snape said, looking thoughtful. Ron looked alarmed. Not another obstacle! Snape did not notice, but continued speaking.

"It is certainly a lot of ingredients to remember, Ronald. Perhaps I should write them down for you?"

"Yes!" said Ron, quickly. "Just write them down for me, that would be good!"

"Longbottom, get in the classroom and begin to write this down..."

"No!" shouted Ron.

* * *

20 minutes later, Ron left the dungeon alone; feeling very tired, very disturbed, but extremely relieved to be away from Snape. He had, at long last, the list of the ingredients Harry used to make the potion. He was sure Madam Pomfrey would be able to deduce an appropriate antidote by use of the list.

Neville, who was not accompanying Ron, was ordered to remain behind in the potions classroom; he had about two months of solid detentions with Professor Snape scheduled, starting immediately.

**Author's note**

Well! I wrote this chapter nearly two years ago, but never posted it online. Why? Because no one reviewed the third chapter, so I assumed no one was reading this story. Anyway, I found this chapter today, decided to fix it up, and post it online. Personally, I find this chapter to be funny, and I feel that I might make an attempt to finish this story, even if its just one more chapter after this one.

An additional note; while this chapter was written after Half-Blood Prince was published, when I began writing this story it was before Half-Blood Prince was released. That is why I assumed Snape would be teaching Potions in their 6th year.

Seriously, though. Please review. I love reviews, even if they are negative.


	5. Battle Royal

**Unwanted Attention**

Disclaimer: _I do not own Harry Potter. That much is obvious. Nor do I claim to own Harry Potter. This story is just for recreation, I am not making any money from it, nor do I want money from it. I do not own the characters or the settings, etc._

Chapter 5: Battle Royal

Ron pushed open the double doors rather forcefully and walked into the hospital wing. The curtains were drawn back, and a copious amount of sunlight shone down onto the vacant white beds. Madam Pomfrey, who was inside her office, came rushing out at the sound of Ron's entry and admonished him for making such a loud entrance.

"Mr Weasley, please do not make such a racket in the hospital wing, you will disturb my patients."

Ron glared around at the empty beds. "There is no one here!"

"Yes, but you could not have possibly known that prior to your raucous arrival. Just be more subtle in the future."

Ron narrowed his eyes but bit back the retort he was longing to utter. Pushing old Madam Pomfrey offside now was not going to help his predicament.

"Madam Pomfrey, I need you help," Ron muttered through clenched teeth.

"Certainly, Weasley, but first, I would like to say-" she took a step towards him. Ron automatically took a step back.

"Don't go there," he snarled.

"But-"

"No, seriously, don't go there. I've had enough of it already, and so have the readers."

"Oh very well. I was just aiming for a little consistency here. Anyway, what can I do for you, Weasley dear?" Ron glared at her. She shrugged and said "I had to say it, for plot continuity."

"Fine!" snapped Ron. "Since you seem to be such an expert on the plot, no doubt you know why I am here and what I need from you?"

"Indeed I do. Do you have what I require?"

"Yup," said Ron, handing over the list he had just painstakingly weaselled out of Snape.

"Very good. I will now proceed to mix up an antidote to that unorthodox love potion which Harry inadvertently spilled on you, causing your two best friends, your sister, Professors Snape and McGonagall, as well as myself, to exhibit symptoms of romantic infatuation towards you."

She paused, answering Ron's next glare with a shrug and said "Just in case people had forgotten what was going on. This story has been going for a few years now, you know."

She turned and walked back into her office, shutting the door behind her. Ron could faintly hear the sounds of a bubbling cauldron, the clinking of glass bottles and the distinct sound of eye of newt and toad spawn being mixed together, amongst other things. Hey, she is a witch, after all.

Ron glowered around the hospital wing at nothing in particular. After everything that had happened that day, there was nothing more effective at expressing his feeling than a nice long glower, except maybe a few choice hand gestures and swear words, which would be pointless at this time considering the absence of other people from the room.

As if reading this thought, the doors of the hospital wing swung open and in rolled Harry and Hermione. Literally rolling. They were engaged in a sort of wrestling match, consisting of a lot of hair pulling, some biting, much grunting, a few punches and kicks, and the odd tooth being knocked out. It reminded Ron very vividly of another such contest he had witnessed in that very hospital wing between Dobby and Kreacher.

Both Harry and Hermione were too caught up in their battle (or perhaps it was the blood spilling into their eyes, rendering them temporary blind) to immediately notice Ron, so he dived sideways behind the nearest hospital bed. This of course benefited him in no way at all, as he was now laying on the floor, on which Harry and Hermione were already rolling, and would easily spot him under the bed if they were not so preoccupied.

Cursing under his breath, Ron climbed to his feet, rubbing his aching arm (he had just dived onto the hard tiled floor, after all) and looked around frantically for another place to hide. He could spot nothing that looked promising, so out of desperation he dashed to the window furthest away and hid behind the curtains.

After several minutes, Harry and Hermione exhausted themselves to the point where they could wrestle no more. Each lay panting, sporting many bruises, bloody noses and missing several teeth. Eventually, they managed to climb to their feet and looking around dazedly, after wiping the blood from their eyes.

"Er, why are we here?" enquired Harry.

"Shut up, Harry!" replied Hermione. "I was wondering that!"

"So what? I can wonder that too!" snapped Harry.

"No you can't! Only I can!" shot back Hermione.

Suddenly, both their eyes fell on the floor below the curtains behind which Ron was hiding; his feet were clearly visible there. Both their faces split into identical, somewhat evil grins. Hermione began tip-toeing in a comical fashion towards the curtains, Harry right behind her, mimicking her. The curtains twitched nervously; Ron was feeling apprehensive at the sudden silence.

Hermione and Harry came to a stop beside the curtain. Harry pointed at Hermione, then mimed pulling the curtains aside. Then he pointed to his own chest, and mimed dive-tackling the air in-front of him. Hermione shook her head. She pointed at Harry, then mimed drawing back the curtains. Pointing at her own chest, she in turn mimed tackling the air in front of her. Harry shook his head forcefully, pointed at Hermione, and proceeded to repeat all that stuff I have written two times already. Hermione shook her head fervently, pointed at Harry, and flipped him a rude hand gesture. Harry bared his teeth, then pulled out his wand and pointed it at Hermione. Hermione scowled at Harry, and repeated the action with her own wand.

The doors behind them burst open, and in strode Professor McGonagall, followed by Ginny and Lavender Brown. Ginny and Lavender were arguing with each other, McGonagall's lips were pressed tightly together and she looked as though she was trying with great difficulty to uphold her composure. She stopped abruptly outside Madam Pomfrey's office, whilst Ginny and Lavender continued to bicker behind her. McGonagall, who had been about to knock on Madam Pomfrey's door, closed her eyes and grimaced, and instead reached up to massage her own temples. After a few moments, she stopped rubbing and turned around to face the girls behind her.

"Miss Brown, Miss Weasley, please refrain from arguing in the hospital wing! You are disturbing the patients!"

Ginny and Lavender glanced around at the empty beds, then said together "But there is no one here, Professor!"

"Maybe not, but there could have been. You should set a better example in the future. Now, be quiet and wait for me to ask Madam Pomfrey to examine you. It is quite out of character for you two to be arguing like this." As she said this, McGonagall caught sight of Harry and Hermione, who both stood frozen, wands pointing at each other's chests, staring wide eyed at the three new arrivals.

"Potter! Miss Granger! What do you think you are doing?" she demanded, striding over to them. "Put away those wands, you are in the hospital wing. Why are you both missing teeth and covered in blood?"

"We fell over a broom stick," replied Harry promptly.

"A broom stick?" repeated McGonagall sceptically.

"Yes, a broom stick," Harry said again.

"Both of you?" enquired McGonagall.

"Yeah, well, we were walking next to each other at the time," replied Harry.

"And you just happened to have tripped over a broomstick while walking together?"

"Um, yeah," said Hermione.

"Neither of you are capable of noticing a broom stick laying on the ground where you were walking?" asked McGonagall.

"Well, we were pretty busy talking at the time," Harry lied.

McGonagall peered closely at Harry and Hermione for a few moments.

"Your nose is still bleeding, Mr Potter. Where were you when you tripped over this broom stick?" she asked.

"Er, in here," said Hermione.

"In the hospital wing?" asked McGonagall shrewdly.

"That▓s right, Professor."

"Why was a broom in the hospital wing?" demanded McGonagall.

"Because we were cleaning."

"Cleaning the hospital wing?"

"Yes, Professor."

"Why were you cleaning the hospital wing, Miss Granger?"

"Er, just trying to help out. I am a prefect, after all."

"Then why were you here, Mr Potter?"

"Er, I was cleaning also," said Harry weakly.

"Why were you cleaning? You are not a prefect."

"Um, I was showing Hermione how to handle a broom."

"Were you teaching her to ride it, or sweep with it, Mr Potter?"

"Sweep with it, I guess, Professor," mumbled Harry.

"You mean to tell me that Miss Granger is incapable of sweeping with a broom without your assistance, Mr Potter?"

"Something like that," smirked Harry.

"What did you say?" demanded Hermione, glaring at Harry.

While this conversation had been going on, Ron had edged carefully along behind the curtain, until he came to the nearest hospital bed. He had dropped down below it, and was crawling from under one bed to the other, heading towards the doors. Lavender, who along with Ginny had been watching the conversation between Harry, Hermione and McGonagall with interest, saw movement out the corner of her eye and glanced around. She noticed Ron, and let out a scream.

"Won-won!" she shouted. Everyone else looked around. Ron was frozen mid-crawl, staring back at them in horror.

"Don't mind me, keep going," Ron said meekly.

The doors flew open again and in strode Snape, his greasy hair shining in the sunlight. He glanced around, taking in the scene before him, from Harry and Hermione bruised, bloody and battered, to Ron still poised mid-crawl on the ground. His eyes rested on Ginny and Lavender.

"Miss Weasley, Miss Brown, detention."

"What for?" demanded Ginny and Lavender at once.

"For being in the hospital wing without permission. 10 points each from Griffindor," said Snape.

"Not so fast, Severus," said McGonagall forcefully, turning to face Snape. "These students are in my house, and are here with my permission. You have no right to hand out punishments to them in my presence."

"Very well, Minerva," replied Snape curtly. "Miss Brown, Miss Weasley, step outside, I wish to speak with you."

"No, I require them to stay here, Severus. They are acting non-canon, and we require Madam Pomfrey to correct them," said McGonagall, drawing herself up to her full height and standing menacingly in-front of Snape.

Snape made an odd sort of bow, and said "Very responsible of you, Professor McGonagall. Potter and Miss Granger also seem to require the attentions of Madam Pomfrey. I am sure you will wish to remain with them until they are also put right. In the mean time, I will take Ronald back to my office-"

"I think not, Professor Snape," interrupted McGonagall. "I am sure Weasley would much rather stay here than accompany a greasy-haired git like yourself to the dungeons!"

They glared at each other. Ron once again was taking advantage of the distraction to attempt another escape, but unfortunately Snape and McGonagall were blocking the way between the hospital beds, and Ginny and Lavender were standing behind them, blocking the way to the doors. Harry and Hermione shuffled forward and together, they all formed a sort of circle. Everyone turned to look at Ron, then glare around at everyone else, the way a dog does when someone approaches too closely to the bone they are chewing. It was the unmistakable sign of a standoff, with Ron as the metaphorical bone.

At that moment, Madam Pomfrey came out of her office, carrying a small crystal vial in her hands. "Mr Weasley, I have completed brewing an antidote, if you would kindly-"

She stopped dead at the sight that greeted her. Everyone turned towards Madam Pomfrey, then glanced around at everyone else again. Ron looked at the vial in Madam Pomfrey's hands; Hermione's eyes locked on to Lavender's, who glared back with malice; Harry glared at Ginny, who was looking at Ron. Madam Pomfrey was staring at McGonagall, who was watching Snape through narrowed eyes, who was looking at Ron. There was silence for a full 30 seconds, in which no one moved except their eyes.

Then several things happened at once as if in slow motion. Harry drew his wand and shot a jinx at Ginny; Ginny dived sideways into Madam Pomfrey, who was knocked off balance. The crystal vial flew from her hands. Hermione and Lavender both lunged for each other, drawing their wands as they sailed through the air. McGonagall shot a spell at Snape, who was running with a creepy lovey-dovey expression on his face towards Ron; the spell missed and hit a bed-pan, which exploded and splashed its contents over Ginny.

Ron ducked under Snape's outstretched hands, then using Lavender's back as a vault, propelled himself into the air towards the spinning vial; he felt his fingers brush against it. Before he could bring them to close around the vial, a misdirected spell from Hermione's wand grazed his cheek as it passed and hit the crystal vial; it shattered, the contents spelling out in a shower and drenching Ron. He felt himself falling and landed on Madam Pomfrey, who had fallen over backwards, and he felt his foot connect with Snape's jaw with a sickening crack. Snape collapsed onto McGongall and knocked her to the floor, where she half landed on Ginny, who had seised Harry's ankle, causing him to trip.

They all lay together in a pile of limbs and wands, then Ron stirred, as well as Harry, Hermione and Ginny. Snape seemed unconscious, Madam Pomfrey looked to be extremely winded; Lavender somewhat resembled a slug that had sprouted hair at the hands of her confrontation with Hermione. McGonagall was also laying still, though breathing heavily.

Ron climbed to his feet first, then Harry did, followed by Hermione and Ginny. They all stood staring at each other. Finally, Ron asked, somewhat fearfully, "So, is it over? Did the antidote work?"

The others looked at him, then one by one they nodded. "Yeah, I feel back to normal now," said Harry. "It was weird, my mind kept telling me to do things I wouldn't normally do, is that how it was with you two?" He asked Hermione and Ginny, who both nodded.

"Yes," said Hermione, examining her hand and clenching it as though seeing if she could control it.

"That potion certainly had a strange effect on us, it seemed to make everyone around you act strangely, Ron."

"Hang on," interjected Ron. "It did not work on everyone. Dumbledore was not effected, neither was Neville. It only worked on you three, Snape, McGonagall, Lavender and Madam Pomfrey. How can you explain that?"

Hermione considered for a moment. "Well, I do not think that was a love potion in the traditional sense. That is, a love potion normally creates a strong infatuation inside the person who drinks it, making them seem obsessively in love with someone. The potion that was spilt on you, Ron, seemed to amplify feelings that already existed within some of the people around you. For example, for Professor McGonagall, who must care for you as her pupil and a student in her house, the potion would have amplified those feelings of hers to the level where it was like an infatuation. Same goes for Madam Pomfrey; she cares about the well-being of all of the students at Hogwarts, because that is her job. Ginny, as your sister, would have already loved you as a sibling, and the potion had a very strong effect on her because of that."

"What about me, then?" enquired Harry.

"Harry, Ron is your best friend, so of course you would care about him in a way similar to how Ginny cares for him, almost as like a love between brothers. That is why the potion had such a strong effect on you also."

"Then what about you?" asked Ginny slyly. Hermione turned a deep shade of scarlet and avoided Ron's eyes.

"Well...uh... I- I imagine it is similar to Harry. Ron is one of my best friends, of course I care for him in that way..." Hermione spluttered, turning an even deeper red as she spoke. Ginny was smirking at her, even Harry was grinning.

"Right," said Ron, "But then, what about Snape? Don't tell me he cared for me because I am his student, we all know he doesn't care about us at all."

They all looked at each other, bewildered, until finally Harry said quietly, "I always knew that guy was creepy." They all gave a collective shiver and leapt away from the unconscious Snape.

The End.

**Author's note**

Sweet, finally finished a story. I really like how these last two chapters turned out, but maybe I will go back and fix up the first few one day when I am feeling bored.

A big shout out to Ehlonna, the only person to review this story in the past two years.

Please, if you think this story worthy of it, give it a review. Cheers.


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